Hidden Desires
by Anarchist278
Summary: He wants to be hated. She wants to hate him. But we don't always get what we want. Which is just as well because the loving could never be this good if it was all about hate!


**A.N Hi all this is my first Lost story but most likely will not by my last. Its a one shot and contains a sex scene so if you're uncomfortable reading them than this story is not for you. It takes place after the episode One Of Them and deals mainly with Kate's feelings after the events in The Long Con. I hope you all enjoy it. Feedback is greatly appreciated.**

**Hidden Desires**

She sat by the lagoon lost in thought. Just when she thought she had everything figured out it had all been turned upside down again. Sawyer had once again conned them all and the worst part was that she had trusted him and like the gullible fool she was had gone along with all of it. She had unwittingly helped him carry out his scheme and now everyone was going to have to deal with the consequences.

The sound of the waterfall dragged her out of her thoughts and she was reminded of the first time she found this place. He had been with her and in some respects that was when it had all started between them. That was the first time they had fun together. She could still remember the way they had cavorted in the water and how he had looked with the sun shining on his wet body. His bare chest had almost glistened in the light and for the first time she had understood that description.

She didn't want to think about what had come after that, about the case they had found at the bottom of the lagoon and its contents. She didn't want to be reminded of Tom, it still hurt too much to think about him.

She would always love Tom but what she had found with Sawyer was different or what she thought she had found with Sawyer. He made her feel alive in ways that no-one else ever had and she doubted they ever would. Something about him called out to her in a way that nice guys like Jack never would. After Tom she had promised herself that she would never again allow herself to be with someone like him. She was poison to nice guys. She had destroyed Tom and she would be damned if she would do that to another person. Sure there had been some sort of initial attraction between her and Jack, who knows maybe he still felt it but she had known from very early on that she could not allow herself to feel for him. Any sort of relationship between them would destroy them both. The more time she spent around Sawyer it seemed the less she needed to remind herself of that.

She had never been the good girl just like Sawyer had never been the nice guy. Perhaps that was why she had instinctively sought out his company from almost their first moment on the island. She had seen in him someone that she could be herself around without the inherent fear of being judged the way Jack would judge her if he was to ever find out the terrible things she'd done in her life before coming to the island. Plus it didn't hurt that just seeing Sawyer look at her in that certain way with his hooded eyes was almost enough to make her toes curl and it had only gotten worse since that kiss they had shared. Even with him tied up and unable to touch her she had felt the sparks flying between them and she had a hard time reminding herself that she was only doing it to get the medication for Shannon. She had very nearly lost herself in that kiss and ever since then a day had not gone by when she didn't think about it. Hell it even plagued her dreams most nights.

Ever since he had got back from that ill fated attempt to find help on the raft with Michael and Jin she had felt something more between them, she'd been certain that they were building towards something, just what it was she hadn't been sure of but there was something. Now she couldn't help but question whether it had all been part of his plan all along. Had that connection she had felt so strongly been nothing more than his way of getting her on side so that she would do what he wanted her to? None of it made sense to her and it didn't matter how many times she went over it in her head she couldn't put her finger on any moment or incident that seemed untrue. It didn't matter that she knew in her head that he was a practiced conman and had probably done the same thing to countless other women, somehow she had convinced herself that he would never do it to her that she was somehow different. But he'd played her for a fool just like all the rest of them and that was what drove her nuts above everything else, that she had fallen for his games just the same as all of those other stupid women.

His words kept echoing in her mind _"A tiger don't change their stripes"_. Was he right? Was she really the same person she was when she landed on this island and if she was then why was she so upset by what had happened last night? Why should it bother her that he was just doing what he had always done if she herself was going to do the exact same thing she had always done? Wouldn't she run just like she always did if they ever found their way off this island? There were far too many questions but so far she had no answers.

She knew the whole camp hated him now and yet somehow his actions had not had that affect on her as well he had known they wouldn't, he even had the gall to say it. _"Good thing **you** don't hate me freckles," _and she had said nothing to disabuse him of that notion. It should have been so easy to take that opening and tell him that she hated him, that he had hurt her but the words hadn't come and she had been confronted with the knowledge that it was because no matter what he did she couldn't find the necessary rage within her to truly hate him. She knew though that he wanted to be hated by those around him. Right from the start she had picked up on this strange need from him to be hated, he was obviously afraid to let people get too close but whether this was some shadow from the trauma of his childhood or whether he just genuinely liked to keep his distance from other people she didn't know. God knows she had spent enough time trying to figure it all out but she was no closer to an answer now than she had ever been.

She heard a noise behind her and turned hoping that none of the others from the camp had found their way here. The last thing she wanted right now was to have to listen to them moan about the events of the night before and as stupid as it sounded she kind of thought of this place as somewhere private, somewhere just for the two of them.

Her eyes struggled for a moment to adjust to the dimness of the jungle after the bright sunshine and she couldn't pick out anything other than the vague shape of someone silhouetted against the dense foliage. Unconsciously her heart leapt at the sound of his voice and she mentally chastised herself.

"Well hey there Freckles, fancy finding you out here."

Her throat closed up and for a moment she couldn't speak. Somehow she swallowed down on it and found her voice.

"What do you want Sawyer?"

"Well now there's a question. I seem to remember telling you before that there are way too many answers to that question to even start to answer. Although if my memory serves me correctly I do believe last time we settled for a kiss. But I don't know I think we've kind of moved past that point now don't you? I think we're ready for something a little more intense. What do you say to that?"

She felt herself stiffen at his words and knew he was watching her reaction, probably laughing to himself about the effect he had on her. She stood up marching over to where he stood glaring at him.

"That is never going to happen," she practically spat at him before moving to leave. She was almost past him when his hand shot out capturing her wrist and jerking her back to him.

"Hey now Freckles don't you be getting all uppity with me. I just came out here to see you. Spent all day chasing around this island after some damn frog thought I could come out here and cool off with the added bonus of seeing you of course. So what do you say you want to come have a swim with me, maybe try a little skinny dipping? I won't tell if you don't."

"Let go of me," she said trying to jerk her arm away from him but he easily held her to him, that one hand still locked tightly around her wrist less than an inch separating their bodies.

She could feel the heat coming off his body in waves and deliberately looked away from him. If she could just ignore him she knew he would grow tired of his little game.

Her mind locked onto something else he had said and against her better judgement she looked up at him.

"Why were you so sure that I'd be here?"

"No other place you'd go especially with Saint Jack still giving you the cold shoulder and spending all of his time with his Latin lovely. Seems to me he and Ana Lucia have been spending an awful lot of time out in that jungle lately."

She almost laughed then at his attempt to make her jealous. Here he was the supposed king of reading people and he still hadn't figured out that she didn't feel anything for Jack. That kiss they had shared had only served to prove what she had long suspected that that initial attraction had been nothing more than a fleeting fancy. It had almost shocked her how little she had felt when they had been lip locked but the next time she saw Sawyer she had known why. The conman was stuck in her head and no goody two shoes doctor was going to get rid of him. She almost wished that she did feel something for the doctor, anything to override her desire for the conman but she didn't and she knew that there was no point in pretending. Sawyer may not have realised it yet but it was only a matter of time before he did unless she avoided him which with the way he was holding her right now was not going to be so easy to do.

"So how about it Freckles shall we go for that swim?"

She tried again to jerk her arm away from him but he just laughed at her, the sound rumbling deep in his chest.

"Think you might be wearing a little too much clothing to go swimming don't you? How about you lose some of it?" he said running a finger around the neckline of her tank top. He took his hand away from her collar bone and brought it down to the hem of her shirt lifting it up slightly and allowing his fingers to brush against the taut skin of her stomach. She shivered at the feel of his calloused fingertips against her skin and he smirked in response.

"Stop it," she said but her voice lacked the conviction she intended.

"I don't think you really want me to stop, now do you Sweet-cheeks?" he said, his tone teasing.

"Yes," she said but the firmness she was looking for was still not there.

His fingers slid further under her top and brushed against her ribcage and she inhaled sharply. His grin grew at the sound and she bit down on her lip determined not to give him any more ammunition.

"You're going to do yourself an injury biting away on your lip like that Sweetheart. I can think of much better uses for that mouth of yours. She clenched her free hand into a fist and he laughed again. "Now, now baby girl you're not planning on hitting me are you?"

"And if I am?" she asked through gritted teeth.

"Well now I think you should know that if you do I just might be forced to retaliate. Not that I'd hit a lady mind you. But I can think of other ways to take my revenge," he told her his fingers sliding further up under her tank top as he spoke.

"What are you talking about?" she asked trying to ignore the sensations his touch was eliciting in her body.

"Oh I think you know," he said ducking his head closer to her ear so that his hot breath feathered against her neck. She became aware that he was no longer holding her wrist and wondered why he'd let go. Did he honestly believe she was so enthralled by him that she would just stand there and allow him to continue to manhandle her in that manner?

She slid her hands up his chest pushing against him wanting to create some distance between their bodies but he simply moved closer trapping her hands between them.

His teeth grazed her earlobe before he spoke again. "You about ready for that swim?"

She opened her mouth to tell him to go to Hell but for some reason the words died on her lips without ever being spoken. Against her better judgement she felt herself nod slightly in agreement and that was all the encouragement he needed. Both of his hands slid under her top lifting it up and over her head in one quick movement leaving her standing before him clad in only her jeans and the black scrap of lace that just barely covered her breasts in the form of a bra.

"Now we're getting somewhere," he said a note of satisfaction in his voice. "Don't you think it's time you returned the favour?" he asked a teasing note in his voice making it more than clear that he didn't expect her to do any such thing.

Her next move surprised him though as her hands came up to the buttons of his shirt slowly undoing them one by one until his chest lay bare before her. She grazed her nails firmly over his chest determined to leave a mark and watched him smile in pleasure.

"Well now seems like I've caught myself a regular little tigress don't it. Well Kitty Cat lets see what damage you can do with those claws?"

She didn't say anything as she pulled the shirt from his shoulders letting it fall to the ground. He reached around undoing the clasp of her bra before sliding the straps from her shoulders and throwing it to the ground too so that they stood bare-chested each soaking in the sight of the other one. She could feel the heat emanating off his body so close to her that she felt her own skin heat in response.

She felt his hand come to the front of her jeans unbuttoning them quickly but sliding the zip down so slowly that it felt like the most exquisite form of torture she had ever known. She felt the scrape of his fingertips against the material of her panties and moaned. She could almost hear the smile in his voice as he spoke. "You like that don't you Sugar?" She moaned again in response as he rubbed his fingers hypnotically over the moist patch now adorning her panties.

Her fingers clawed at the smooth skin of his back leaving angry red welts behind. He rubbed harder but still denied her what she wanted the most his finger remaining on the outside of her panties. She grinded herself down against his hand inviting his intrusion but still he failed to give her what she most wanted. Finally she slipped her own hand down between their bodies pushing the flimsy fabric aside so she was exposed to his touch. She placed her hand over his guiding it to where she longed for his touch most and finally he did as she wanted and slipped one finger up agonisingly slowly into her.

She moaned again burying her head in the crook of his neck and inhaling his scent till it overwhelmed her. She could smell the sweat clinging to his skin, the faint aroma of tobacco even though she knew that his stash of cigarettes had long been exhausted and some indefinable scent that belonged to Sawyer alone.

To her delight he slipped another finger in to join the first and her breath hissed out between her teeth as he fleetingly stroked against the sensitive bud of flesh that was crying out for his attention. She could feel herself getting wetter with every stroke of his fingers inside her. She bit into the warm hard flesh of his shoulder as he pressed harder against her clit causing small spasms to rock her body. She pushed herself against his hand wanting to prolong the pressure and the pleasure it was bringing her.

She pushed one hand against the front of his jeans feeling his hard cock straining against the material. She felt him expand even more to fill her hand and could not bare the restricting material between them anymore. She needed to touch him and give him the pleasure he was giving her. She moved her hand up slightly to undo the button before sliding the zipper down and heard the hitch in his breath as it scraped down over him. She slid her hands inside his waist band pushing his jeans and briefs down in one swift motion and allowing him to spring free into her waiting hand. Her small hand wrapped around his shaft moving up and down automatically in a rhythm that needed no guidance from him.

He placed a hand under her chin bringing her face up so he could look at her before leaning down and kissing her hard his tongue thrusting in time with his fingers. She felt his chest vibrate as he growled low in his throat at the feel of her willing lips upon his.

Finally he wrenched away from her mouth both of them panting, desperately drawing in much needed air in sharp gasping pants. Using his body he pushed her back to the ground following her down immediately, her small frame enveloped by his much larger one.

His lips were at her face kissing the corner of her mouth and down her jaw continuing down over her collarbone, his tongue flicking out to tease her flesh and lathe at the marks left by his teeth where he bit and nipped at her skin. He continued lower still capturing one of her nipples between his teeth and hearing her gasp in response. Her fingers threaded through his hair holding his head to her breast as he began to suck on her nipple. His hand slid down over her ribcage, down to her hip where he began to knead at her flesh.

Finally he slid his fingers out of her and heard her groan of disappointment at the loss of his fingers inside her.

"Sawyer I want you," she said a touch of desperation in her tone. "I want you now."

She brought her legs up to wrap around his waist as she felt the tip of him pressing against her entrance. She writhed beneath him knowing it would drive him insane. She knew she was right when she heard his groan of pleasure and felt the bite of his fingers digging into her hips as he held her in place before thrusting up inside of her. He rejoiced in the feel of her warm wet passage clenching around him, her legs tightening around his waist encouraging him to enter her more fully.

He bit his lip against the strain of trying to hold on. He'd always known that it would be like this between him and Freckles. He'd known that if they could just get past all the bullshit and simply let their passion take over that it would be a mind blowing experience for both of them and so far he was not disappointed.

He withdrew slightly thrusting up into her harder and faster setting a tempo she was only too happy to keep. She rocked her hips in time with his, feeling her release building up inside of her. Reaching up she caught hold of his chin holding it in place so that she could look into his eyes as her climax took over her body. She kept eye contact with him as the spasms rocked her body. "You too," she panted "I want us to cum together. She saw him nod slightly and then he was there with her, she screamed her release as he moaned her name his body shuddering as he finally found his release.

He collapsed down on top of her, both of them panting with exertion. Pushing himself up on one arm he brushed the hair off her face.

"You still want that swim?" he asked her.

She smiled dragging her nails over the slick, sweaty skin of his back.

"More than anything," she replied.


End file.
